Accountability

Greg and I have had a tremendous opportunity to teach the couple’s class at our church. We have spent since January discussing the book Sacred Marriage, written by Gary Thomas. We have challenged the members of our class to spend just 15 minutes each evening talking with their spouse. The stipulations for this conversation include the following rules:

1. No pointing fingers! Only present your side of an argument don’t provide your spouse’s thoughts as well!

2. Ask open questions. Don’t ask a question that backs your spouse into a corner, instead ask questions that invite discussion.

3. Accept honest answers from your spouse. Don’t think that your spouse will always share your opinion. You just may learn something from them by listening!

4. Keep it real. Don’t let the issues of life crow this time of intimate conversation. This is not the time to discuss the broken car, leaking pipes, or overtime issues at work. This is a time to learn what makes your spouse an individual.

To get our class started in the daunting task of 15 minutes of non-confrontational communication, we have provided discussion questions on a weekly basis. We are more than three months into the class but no one seems to be dedicated to the challenge. As a human, I then started to question if I had provided the right accountability for them. I questioned if it was my job to ask if they were talking or ignoring the challenge issued. Of course, God has a way of answering our questioning with a personal challenge.

God has challenged me to keep myself accountable to what He has called me to do. If I am struggling to be accountable to myself, why am I expecting others to be accountable to me? I can know all of the knowledge in the world, but if I choose to be disobedient to the calling of God, the knowledge does me no good. If I am not holding myself accountable to the will of God my knowledge will not yield blessing.

I can only reap what I sow and cannot expect to reap accountability in our class if I do not sow it in my life. Therefore, God has challenged me to keep myself accountable to what He has convicted me of in my life. I know that my willingness to yield to the will of God will sow seeds in the lives of others.

My problem is centered on my lack of care for myself. I go out of my way to take care of others and most of the time I am too tired to take care of myself. I allow myself to be neglected. I allow myself to ignore God’s perfect will for my life simply because I think less of myself than I should. I should strive to take care of others, but I can’t take care of others if I have not yet learned what God wants me to learn.

I am challenged then to allow my personal needs to gain priority over the needs of others not so needy needs. I still need to be the best wife I can be, the best mom I can be, and the best teacher I can be, but not at the expense of letting myself go. I am not a maintenance free human being. I don’t need to become so self centered I can see nothing beyond my personal perimeter, but I do need to learn what God’s priorities are.

Right now, that priority is personal accountability. It is filtering every decision I make through the screen of God’s will. It is yielding my will to the perfect will of God. It is finding the balance between personal growth and the roles God has allowed me to embrace (wife, mother, teacher…). It is learning that without God’s sustaining power in my life I am bound to fail. I need to determine if I am willing to keep myself accountable to myself.