Accountability

Greg and I have had a tremendous opportunity to teach the couple’s class at our church. We have spent since January discussing the book Sacred Marriage, written by Gary Thomas. We have challenged the members of our class to spend just 15 minutes each evening talking with their spouse. The stipulations for this conversation include the following rules:

1. No pointing fingers! Only present your side of an argument don’t provide your spouse’s thoughts as well!

2. Ask open questions. Don’t ask a question that backs your spouse into a corner, instead ask questions that invite discussion.

3. Accept honest answers from your spouse. Don’t think that your spouse will always share your opinion. You just may learn something from them by listening!

4. Keep it real. Don’t let the issues of life crow this time of intimate conversation. This is not the time to discuss the broken car, leaking pipes, or overtime issues at work. This is a time to learn what makes your spouse an individual.

To get our class started in the daunting task of 15 minutes of non-confrontational communication, we have provided discussion questions on a weekly basis. We are more than three months into the class but no one seems to be dedicated to the challenge. As a human, I then started to question if I had provided the right accountability for them. I questioned if it was my job to ask if they were talking or ignoring the challenge issued. Of course, God has a way of answering our questioning with a personal challenge.

God has challenged me to keep myself accountable to what He has called me to do. If I am struggling to be accountable to myself, why am I expecting others to be accountable to me? I can know all of the knowledge in the world, but if I choose to be disobedient to the calling of God, the knowledge does me no good. If I am not holding myself accountable to the will of God my knowledge will not yield blessing.

I can only reap what I sow and cannot expect to reap accountability in our class if I do not sow it in my life. Therefore, God has challenged me to keep myself accountable to what He has convicted me of in my life. I know that my willingness to yield to the will of God will sow seeds in the lives of others.

My problem is centered on my lack of care for myself. I go out of my way to take care of others and most of the time I am too tired to take care of myself. I allow myself to be neglected. I allow myself to ignore God’s perfect will for my life simply because I think less of myself than I should. I should strive to take care of others, but I can’t take care of others if I have not yet learned what God wants me to learn.

I am challenged then to allow my personal needs to gain priority over the needs of others not so needy needs. I still need to be the best wife I can be, the best mom I can be, and the best teacher I can be, but not at the expense of letting myself go. I am not a maintenance free human being. I don’t need to become so self centered I can see nothing beyond my personal perimeter, but I do need to learn what God’s priorities are.

Right now, that priority is personal accountability. It is filtering every decision I make through the screen of God’s will. It is yielding my will to the perfect will of God. It is finding the balance between personal growth and the roles God has allowed me to embrace (wife, mother, teacher…). It is learning that without God’s sustaining power in my life I am bound to fail. I need to determine if I am willing to keep myself accountable to myself.

Storms

I know it is easy to praise God when it seems all is going good, but can you praise Him when it seems He is so far away it hurts? As Casting Crowns sing, we need to praise Him in the storm. You see, it is how we react to the storms of life that is what makes us, as Christian's, different from those around us. It is human nature to lash out and want to hurt someone when we are hurting, but God calls us to a higher standard. Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek, to give not just a coat, but our cloak as well. We are called to give more than we are given.

For some, this is easy. Giving praise to God for all He has done is a natural part of the day. The thoughts are easy and predictable as the tides on a calm day. Everywhere you look you are able to see the wonder of God in His creation. It is an endless repetition of worship, as predictable as the waves lapping at the shores on a calm day.

For others, our act of worship is what carves our faith and is one of the hardest things we do. We feel as if the cares of this world are the waves that come as a hurricane is making landfall. We are a pier being battered and tossed without a hope of surviving the night. Our worship is found mostly in the lull between storms, especially right after the storm has passed, and we realize we still have a foundation beneath us. We find we are more thankful for the absence of the storm and waves than we are for the actual storms and waves. What we fail to understand is the need for the storms of our life.

So maybe your storm is worse than mine is, or maybe mine is worse than yours is. In reality, we as humans like to compare ourselves to those around us. We seek pity from those who haven't needed to endure what God is bringing us through, or we seek someone who is worse off than us to make us feel better about our situation. What we need to understand is that to God, your storm is just as important as my storm. He would not allow you to go through something you are unable to handle, but He will give you no less than is needed to build you, your character, and your faith.

Did you catch that? He would not allow you to go through something you are unable to handle, but He will give you no less than is needed to build you, your character, and your faith. Therefore, it is natural to assume my storms will increase in intensity, as I grow closer to God. It is also reasonable to assume that the depth and breadth of my storms are just as scary to me as your "littler" storms are to you. You see, as humans, especially as Americans, we are caught up in a competition to see just who has it the worst, or even who has it the best. What we fail to understand is that to God, all storms are the same. The storm may show in a variety of events, but the outcome is relatively similar.

Think about it, we constantly are told about a storm of some sort reeking havoc somewhere in this nation. It may be a hurricane, firestorm, tornado, ice storm, or even a severe thunderstorm with hail, lightening, and winds. The expectation when we hear about an approaching storm is the same: destruction, loss of life, heroic rescues, and people we hear about on the news who foolishly "rode it out".

Why is it any different for our faith? The storms of our faith will cause destruction of either our faith in God or a stronghold (a lie believed) that has taken residence in our heart. The storms of our faith will bring death, spiritually, to a relationship with either Satan or God. We may even have a heroic rescue performed by a friend in Christ who was willing to yield to the call God placed on their life. In addition, we will hear of people who foolishly rode out the storms of faith, clinging to the wrong things, putting hope in something of the earth, not of heaven.

We need to understand the same God who was willing to give His son for us is bigger than the storms of life. We need to take refuge in His strength to get us through the day. We need to cling to Him when all hope is gone. We need to know that He is our refuge when the storms of life are beating us down. When we accept the fact that God is bigger than anything we are in, the storm becomes a thing of awe, a thing of beauty that God allows us to witness so we can better know Him.

Sandbags

"And my desire is to have You near
Lord You know that You are welcome here
Before such love, before such grace, I will let the walls come down"
The King of Love by Rita Springer

Are you ever faced with a recurring situation in which it seems no matter what you do your actions are wrong? Tonight I was listening to the words of The King of Love by Rita Springer and was struck with the thought that many times the issues in our lives have become walls that surround us. Sometimes we build the wall to protect us. Other times, the wall is built to hide the hurt and pain associated with the issue. Still other times the wall is built during the silent hours of the night and seemingly appears suddenly in our hearts and lives. The idea clearly revealed to me is that I am the carpenter responsible for the construction of the walls of my life.

This song reminds me that I need to be the one to let the walls come down. I think at times we tend to reinforce the foundation of the walls in our life instead of letting them be torn down. What I mean by this is simply we stack the sandbags of life to strengthen the walls of our heart. The sandbags are filled with the hurt from this, the pain from that, the suffering of my past, the losses of yesterday, and the fears of tomorrow. Each sandbag is any number of excuses tied up in a handy little bag that really hides the contents of the bag. Inside each sandbag is a mess of sand pebbles. Individually, they are unable to do much of anything to anyone. Being hit by one grain of sand is no cause for concern. However, being sandblasted by thousands of sand particles is enough to get anyone’s attention. Think about the weight of just one sand particle. There really isn’t much to it, is there? Now think about the weight of millions of grains of sand. You get the picture.

Life is full of millions of individual grains of sand. We chose to either collect or release those grains as we journey through life. If we choose to collect them, we end up with a wall of sandbags that are just a collection of the many individual things in life. Is that wall serving to protect or to hinder us? You see, the same wall that can protect us from our enemies is the same wall that will hinder our forward progress in life. In order to gain the blessings of Christianity, we need to be willing to open the sandbags of our life and pour out the sand that once fortified the walls of our life. God will give you the strength to pour out and destroy the walls of our life. He will give us the strength to rise above the rubble of our broken hearts.

Sustenance

"The will of God will not lead you where the grace of God cannot keep you."

"Nothing is really lost by a life of sacrifice everything is lost by failure to obey God's call."

"Listen closely to hear the King of the Universe speak … loving words to your heart: 'Whatever I have my dear will now be yours and whatever belongs to me now belongs to you. I now devote all the strength that flows from within me to protecting and caring for you!'"

A good friend, and prayer warrior, wrote these words on a card and gave it to me at church tonight. She did not know the impact these words would have on me. I was struggling with the feeling of inadequacy in regards to Passion Ministries. It takes so much out of a person to build a ministry and I was not sure how much more I had to give at this point in my life. It seems a different child is sick each week; I cannot keep up with the house so how can I keep up with a class and a ministry. Greg is gone this week, which has added to the stress. I am battling migraines again, something I have not battled in years. I know the Toney family has been under attack from Satan for quite a while. My strength has been diminishing more and more each week. The cry of my heart has been "How much longer, God?"

I know Greg and I are called to ministry and we know we are doing what we are supposed to be doing right now, but sometimes knowing just isn't enough. Tonight, this hand written note given to me by a friend was God's way of letting me know that no matter what God is giving me the grace I need to stay on the course He has for us. It was a spiritual shot of pick me up, so to speak.

It is a struggle sometimes to give up my personal time and work on our ministry, so my sacrificial giving has been a challenge as of late. You feel at times that what you do is not worth the time, money, or energy. As a human, we desire to see results immediately, but God does not work on our timeline. I know we are making positive impacts on the lives of the couples in our class and in turn, the church. Once again, in my humanness, knowing just is not enough sometimes. The words included in this note covered my thoughts, feelings, and frustrations as well.

If God is willing to remind me that every promise in Him is yes and amen, His strength is perfect, and He is willing to protect and care for me, who am I to challenge Him? I know the promises in the Bible are for me, but sometimes God needs to nudge me and remind me of His perfect will. I am so thankful for a friend willing to be obedient and take the time needed to write the words God gave her to give to me.

What a blessing!

Complications

I have been thinking a ton about how we as humans tend to enjoy life more when we make it complicated. We all know the person who seems always needing to have the attention of everyone, right. Have we ever considered if we somewhat resemble that person? Do you need complications to survive?

It is never enough to accept an answer as answer, we must probe into the nitty-gritty details until we are satisfied the decision made is either completely wrong or completely justified.

Instead of accepting a promise as a promise, we torment ourselves with the question of ’how can it really be true?’ and lose track of the gift given.

At work, we make a process out of even the simplest of tasks. We focus so much on the process we forget the intention of the action.

Maybe, you are the one who needs to ensure everyone around you understands exactly where you are coming from and your precise point of view.

Is this you?

If it is, please read on.

Everyone should still be reading. At some point, with something, we are all guilty of complicating our lives for personal gain. One of the most famous passages in the Bible is Isaiah 40:31 where it is written, "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." I am not sure how we can expect God to fulfill this promise if we choose to carry a bunch of baggage with us.

We have all had to walk through a valley, at least once in our lives. For most of us, many valleys have been watered by our tears, and the echoes of our cries have resounded all over the map it seems. The journey through the valley is a tedious, slow journey in which we are burdened by the complications of life. It isn’t that life is so bad, it is what we add to life that makes it burdensome. We are not content to wait on the strength of the Lord to renew us and the burden we struggle to move through a valley is more than we could possibly drag, let alone carry.

The Hebrew word for renew is Chalaph. Chalaph means to change, substitute, alter, change for better; the same way a tree shows newness. In order for a tree to show the potential for growth in the spring it must shed the weight of the past years growth. It must be willing to release the leaves of the past for a hope of a future growth. Does a tree hope? No, of course not! However, the picture works, doesn’t it?

Do you see where I am going with this? You cannot expect God to change a circumstance in your life (renew your strength) if you are unwilling to give up the complications of life.

Another thing a tree must go through is a dormant season. Winter is a hard time on a tree. There is seemingly little that happens in the life of a tree during the winter months. The tree is leafless, wrapped in ice and snow, and does not grow in stature during these harsh months. In reality, while the changes are slow and almost unperceivable, change is occurring nonetheless. Trees continue to slowly grow roots, respire, and take in water and nutrients. The root system is the life of a tree, and without roots, a tree will not survive. The tree, while dormant, does not die. Winter, while a hard season for the tree, actually serves to strengthen the tree!

What about your winter? Does it strengthen you? Have you allowed God to grow you during your winter season? Did you assume that growth only happened in the spring and summer when everything looks right for growth?

Many people know Isaiah 40:31, but may not have ever read Isaiah 40:4, "Every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill shall be made low: and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough places plain:" Maybe this verse is your outlook on life. You seem to be in the valley, surrounded by the mountains of life, lost in the maze of complications, and jostled by the despair of no hope for your future. The bad news is there is no way you are going to alter your landscape on your own. The good news is that God is more than able and willing to modify things surrounding the path you walk on. Your path may not change, your problems may still be there, but the mountains will be made low. You may not see what God has in store, but your path will be made straight. You may feel as if the boulders and worries of life have done nothing to hinder you, but God promises to make it smooth.

Are you willing to grow in a season of dormancy to gain the rewards of a renewing spring?

The Journey

A journey cannot be taught, it is something that must be lived.
I cannot live anyone else's journey, nor can they live mine.
The journey they walk in life may not be fitting for my life.

Why do people feel an obligation to force their journey on others?
Why must I live my life based on their vision alone?
Is it too much to ask they be happy for who I am and the journey I am on?

They look through their rose colored glasses and assume I share the view.
When my journey isn't theirs I am somehow to blame.
What happened to me being an individual?

Interesting thought, isn't it?