Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Perfection
I am not a representation of perfection. Not at all. If anything, I am the furthest from perfection. Thankfully, I don't need to be perfect. All I need is grace and forgiveness. For myself and for others.
Rachel's PCS Rules
1. Don't waste your new assignment wishing you were at your old place.
2. Remember how you felt when you got undesirable orders to 'that' base you are now heartbroken to be leaving.
3. The only things we can control are our attitudes, actions, and reactions. Choosing wisely will ensure first and last impressions don't reflect an inner spoiled brat.
4. Explore, invest, and learn the local culture wherever you may be sent to live. Adventure is everywhere and is easier too see when we aren't looking backwards. Infuse yourself in your new community which will leave a legacy and help keep the PCS blues at bay. Experience new things from part of the country or world you may not ever go near again.
5. Appreciate the time you had at your current location. Take the experiences, education, friendships, and increased maturity with you to your new home. Grieve leaving. Joyfully and bravely say hello.
Image Source:
https://grist.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/moving-day.jpg
Monday, March 10, 2014
Knots
"Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper."
Psalm 1:1-3
I can't tell you how many times I have questioned my ability to be firmly planted. The older I get, the more I have learned to appreciate the symbolism of a firmly planted tree. My tree has been planted in God's hands and His living water is my supply.
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| (c) photobucket.com |
A tree is a beautiful creation. Tree roots provide stability for soil. Leaves are constantly making oxygen out of carbon dioxide. The wood is used for almost everything imaginable.
The trunk of a tree is the stability and strength of a tree. The vascular system is perfectly designed to defy gravity and bring water from the roots to the leaves. The trunk cannot survive without the branches, and the branches cannot survive without the leaves. The dependency of the trunk on the branch and the branch on the trunk leaves a knot. A knot is a sign of growth. The branch born will always leave a mark on the trunk. When polished by a craftsman these knots give character to an ordinary piece of wood.
I have to believe each stop and interaction along this journey called life is another branch on my tree. I am forever changed because of the places, people, and events in my life. My life is far more beautiful because of the knots created by the branches of change and growth.
I have been weary lately. Growth is exhausting. God knows this and in His grace and mercy, provided me the perfect encouragement through worship, scripture, friends, and prayer.
"All treasures of wisdom and things to be known
Are hidden inside Your hand
And in this fortunate turn of events
You ask me to be Your friend
You ask me to be Your friend
And You, You are my first
You are my last
You are my future and my past."Future/Past - John Mark McMillan
"All treasures of wisdom and things to be known
Are hidden inside Your hand
And in this fortunate turn of events
You ask me to be Your friend
You ask me to be Your friend
And You, You are my first
You are my last
You are my future and my past."Future/Past - John Mark McMillan
"...the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength..."
2 Timothy 4:17
2 Timothy 4:17
I don't know who, what, or where will provide the next knot in my trunk. I am certain God does know and that is enough for me.
"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
Colossians 3:15-17
"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
Colossians 3:15-17
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Security
Tonight I had a heart stopping, breath catching moment.
I re-tucked Kaitlyn in as I do every night. Nothing heart stopping about seeing your baby girl sleeping peacefully.
I had just given her a kiss on the forehead when she woke up and said, "You felt like a bad guy".
Heart stopped. Breath caught.
As a mom, I never want my children to feel insecure in their own bed, especially when I'm the one disturbing their sleep.
But then the sweetest moment happened. I reminded Kaitlyn that even as she sleeps God and His Angels are protecting her. She closed her eyes, snuggled into her Daddy pillow a bit more, pulled the blanket up around her shoulders, and said, "I know".
Heart stopped again. Breath caught again.
This time, it was a moment of peace and pride in my littlest one. She knew--even after it felt like a bad guy kissed her goodnight--she knew God was protecting her.
I will never forget, "I know."
Security = I know.
I re-tucked Kaitlyn in as I do every night. Nothing heart stopping about seeing your baby girl sleeping peacefully.
I had just given her a kiss on the forehead when she woke up and said, "You felt like a bad guy".
Heart stopped. Breath caught.
As a mom, I never want my children to feel insecure in their own bed, especially when I'm the one disturbing their sleep.
But then the sweetest moment happened. I reminded Kaitlyn that even as she sleeps God and His Angels are protecting her. She closed her eyes, snuggled into her Daddy pillow a bit more, pulled the blanket up around her shoulders, and said, "I know".
Heart stopped again. Breath caught again.
This time, it was a moment of peace and pride in my littlest one. She knew--even after it felt like a bad guy kissed her goodnight--she knew God was protecting her.
I will never forget, "I know."
Security = I know.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Ingredients
Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake"
"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her daughter.
"How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!"
"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!"
To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way , they make a wonderfully delicious cake!
God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!
God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
Matthew 10:33 "Whoever acknowledges ME before men, I will acknowledge him before my FATHER in heaven. But whoever disowns ME before men, I will disown him before my FATHER in heaven.
No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by work.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake"
"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her daughter.
"How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!"
"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!"
To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way , they make a wonderfully delicious cake!
God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!
God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
Matthew 10:33 "Whoever acknowledges ME before men, I will acknowledge him before my FATHER in heaven. But whoever disowns ME before men, I will disown him before my FATHER in heaven.
No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by work.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.
Testimony
(This was originally posted on my MySpace blog September 6, 2009. I'm reporting it here because MySpace is a gamers paradise and honestly, who logs into MySpace anymore? Lol!)
Jeremiah 29:11-13 says, For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me, come, and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (NIV)
In order to prosper you must believe that whatever has happened to you has happened for a reason. God does not let us suffer in vain. I did not realize what Jeremiah was talking about until I was 17 years old, but the journey of learning the truth in these words began just one week before my 13th birthday.
I grew up in Indiana, number 5 of 11 children in a Christian home. I accepted Christ at the age of 10 but that conversion was more superficial than spiritual. Being 1 of 11, it seemed that each of us thought it important to establish ourselves as unique. For me, I relied on my aggressive nature and sought to be the best at anything that I started. This drive allowed me to learn of great deal of about car engines, it allowed me to enjoy bike riding as an aggressive method to release energy, I learned the fundamentals of carpentry work when rebuilding our house after a fire, and it drove me to working in the nasty corn fields for a summer job. These hobbies and skills that I started to enjoy before the age of 13 became my sanity foundation after my 13th birthday.
Similar to most young adults and teens, the crossroads of my life were my early teen years. I had no idea that my friendship with one person would so dramatically affect my life. A casual friendship that was born in the cornfields of Mid-West Indiana would start a chain of events that forever shaped my character, my will, and my life. The experiences rendered to me through my friendship with Maggie challenged my faith in God and my ability to trust even myself. I had to learn what courage was and apply it to my walk with God.
My personal experience has taught me that men tend to rape for at least one of three primary reasons. The first rationale is their desire to control a non-consenting victim. Secondly, they are acting out anger or hostility. Finally, a rapist may gain sense of accomplishment and self-worth by degrading another human being. Each rapist is unique. Every rapist is an individual with individual motives and drives. Commonly, a rape is not about a sexual act but of domination.
All three of these reasons were present in my personal situation. My rapist had a desire to control me, a non-consenting victim, in a very powerful and abusive manner. He also seemed to be acting out anger or hostility in his acts. This was evident especially in his physical abuse of his stepdaughters in front of me. Finally, he seemed to enjoy the act of rape not as a pleasurable sexual experience, but as a challenge in which he prevailed. I was an object to be conquered and he felt he could conquer me emotionally and physically. He was driven to succeed, not driven by a sexual desire.
It would have been easier for me to accept the reality of having been raped had it been about sexual pleasure for him, not simply a challenge. I allowed myself to believe that I was weak and I allowed the rape to happen. I began to convince myself I allowed it with thoughts such as: If only I had stood up to him, or if only I had shown how tough I really was that night. The if onlys and maybe ifs continued for years. They dominated every aspect of my life. I tried to commit suicide 13 times that I can remember, abused my siblings, tried killing my mom, constantly beat up my dad, and caused many problems at school. I didn't tell anyone about being raped for two years. My only safe outs in life were working on cars, bike riding, and construction work. With cars, you can get mad at them and they just sit there and take it. You start with a problem and are able to diagnosis and repair the problem without relying on someone to do it for you. Bike riding became my best mode of transportation. It allowed me to flee from any situation that I wanted to. I was able to ride for miles and miles out into the country and yell at God without the fear of anyone hearing me and chastising me for it. Construction work allowed me to physically accomplish something lasting that made a positive difference in my familys life. At the time, I didnt realize that each of these sanity foundations also allowed me to learn more about Gods character.
I was ashamed, embarrassed and believed the threats the he had issued when he raped me. The police had run him off our property 2 or 3 times which only solidified my trust in his threats to do the same things to one of my other 6 sisters. I had finely told someone about being raped and the court proceedings began. Soon after, I had met Greg. At the time I was still struggling with the guilt, depression and self-blame. I personally had no desire to date anyone, as I had already been dumped by one boyfriend when he found out I was someone elses trash. God in His ultimate wisdom brought us together though I really struggled with trusting him. I was unable to allow myself to trust that he would not do the same thing to me. God was able to work on both of us in the years that we dated, broke-up, and dated again. However, it was not until I attended a youth conference in 1997 almost exactly 4 years after being raped, DC/LA 97, that I began to trust God with my situation.
I can't remember which speaker said these words that immediately impacted my spirit and forever changed my life: We have the privilege of knowing Jesus Christ. We are going to stumble because of Satan. The trials that God allows in our life are not obstacles of Satan. I had perceived my being raped as a hindrance of God not a trial by which to grow spiritually in and for God. In my humanness, I allowed Satan to use a trial of God as an obstacle in my Christian journey. I penned this letter to God during the remainder to the teaching that night in the LA Convention Center. This letter was the start of a long healing process.
Dear God,
I ask that you would help me to be able to talk to Maggie about you. Lord God, I am not going to be able to do this by myself. God, I just ask that you and your angels keep Satan from reminding me of what is in my past, the memories, the hurts, the fears, and the nightmares. Lord God, You and only You know how much pain is in my past and how much more pain is in my future. Heavenly Father, You know what I felt when that girl [guest speaker at the convention] told us about coming from a history of sexual abuse. God, I ask that give me direction for my life. God I love You so much and I thank you for sending Your Son Jesus to die for me. Lord God, touch me with your hand so I can stand up to Satan. Satan you have no place in my life. Only God and God alone can dictate my life. Lord God, thank you for your triumph over Satan. I thank you for your protection. Thank you and I love You. Amen.
Until that moment, it was easier for me to blame God and to cast all responsibility for the negative at Him. I began to realize that the trials I faced because of being raped were obstacles that God was waiting to remove for me. I had to learn that God in His wisdom was always waiting on me to yield to His will and perfect plan for my life. It took courage for me to allow God to take control of the situation. A true healing began that day as I knelt on the floor, sobbing, yet praising God for what He could do with my life because of what had been in my life. I began to realize that in a way I was a car engine. I had problems that God was willing to fix, but I had to yield to His will. I had to be willing to allow some of the old broken pieces to be taken away only to be replaced by new shiny pieces that worked far better. Bike riding began to give me an opportunity to praise God when before I would yell and curse Him. The peaceful and quite country taught me about Gods patience and perfect will. The construction of the house began to show me how God can take something charred and burnt and restore it to better than before.
I also learned that it took courage for me to trust Greg. Obviously, it paid off, as we have been married for 7 years now! Our relationship has not been easy and being married allowed the opportunity for Satan to revisit the past once again. Many times over, I had to remind myself of the promises of God. Isaiah 41:10-13 became a very personal passage to me as I struggled with my past and my present colliding on many, many nights. 10So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 11All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. 12Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. 13For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
The events leading up to being raped and actually being raped dramatically changed my life and the lives of those who loved me. I will never be happy I was raped, but today I am thankful that God allowed me to grow in a unique way that allows me to reach out to other victims with total understanding. I pray that God touch each person that may read this, may you be the victim, a family member, or even a rapist yourself. Gods grace was sufficient for me and it is sufficient for you.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 says, For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me, come, and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (NIV)
In order to prosper you must believe that whatever has happened to you has happened for a reason. God does not let us suffer in vain. I did not realize what Jeremiah was talking about until I was 17 years old, but the journey of learning the truth in these words began just one week before my 13th birthday.
I grew up in Indiana, number 5 of 11 children in a Christian home. I accepted Christ at the age of 10 but that conversion was more superficial than spiritual. Being 1 of 11, it seemed that each of us thought it important to establish ourselves as unique. For me, I relied on my aggressive nature and sought to be the best at anything that I started. This drive allowed me to learn of great deal of about car engines, it allowed me to enjoy bike riding as an aggressive method to release energy, I learned the fundamentals of carpentry work when rebuilding our house after a fire, and it drove me to working in the nasty corn fields for a summer job. These hobbies and skills that I started to enjoy before the age of 13 became my sanity foundation after my 13th birthday.
Similar to most young adults and teens, the crossroads of my life were my early teen years. I had no idea that my friendship with one person would so dramatically affect my life. A casual friendship that was born in the cornfields of Mid-West Indiana would start a chain of events that forever shaped my character, my will, and my life. The experiences rendered to me through my friendship with Maggie challenged my faith in God and my ability to trust even myself. I had to learn what courage was and apply it to my walk with God.
My personal experience has taught me that men tend to rape for at least one of three primary reasons. The first rationale is their desire to control a non-consenting victim. Secondly, they are acting out anger or hostility. Finally, a rapist may gain sense of accomplishment and self-worth by degrading another human being. Each rapist is unique. Every rapist is an individual with individual motives and drives. Commonly, a rape is not about a sexual act but of domination.
All three of these reasons were present in my personal situation. My rapist had a desire to control me, a non-consenting victim, in a very powerful and abusive manner. He also seemed to be acting out anger or hostility in his acts. This was evident especially in his physical abuse of his stepdaughters in front of me. Finally, he seemed to enjoy the act of rape not as a pleasurable sexual experience, but as a challenge in which he prevailed. I was an object to be conquered and he felt he could conquer me emotionally and physically. He was driven to succeed, not driven by a sexual desire.
It would have been easier for me to accept the reality of having been raped had it been about sexual pleasure for him, not simply a challenge. I allowed myself to believe that I was weak and I allowed the rape to happen. I began to convince myself I allowed it with thoughts such as: If only I had stood up to him, or if only I had shown how tough I really was that night. The if onlys and maybe ifs continued for years. They dominated every aspect of my life. I tried to commit suicide 13 times that I can remember, abused my siblings, tried killing my mom, constantly beat up my dad, and caused many problems at school. I didn't tell anyone about being raped for two years. My only safe outs in life were working on cars, bike riding, and construction work. With cars, you can get mad at them and they just sit there and take it. You start with a problem and are able to diagnosis and repair the problem without relying on someone to do it for you. Bike riding became my best mode of transportation. It allowed me to flee from any situation that I wanted to. I was able to ride for miles and miles out into the country and yell at God without the fear of anyone hearing me and chastising me for it. Construction work allowed me to physically accomplish something lasting that made a positive difference in my familys life. At the time, I didnt realize that each of these sanity foundations also allowed me to learn more about Gods character.
I was ashamed, embarrassed and believed the threats the he had issued when he raped me. The police had run him off our property 2 or 3 times which only solidified my trust in his threats to do the same things to one of my other 6 sisters. I had finely told someone about being raped and the court proceedings began. Soon after, I had met Greg. At the time I was still struggling with the guilt, depression and self-blame. I personally had no desire to date anyone, as I had already been dumped by one boyfriend when he found out I was someone elses trash. God in His ultimate wisdom brought us together though I really struggled with trusting him. I was unable to allow myself to trust that he would not do the same thing to me. God was able to work on both of us in the years that we dated, broke-up, and dated again. However, it was not until I attended a youth conference in 1997 almost exactly 4 years after being raped, DC/LA 97, that I began to trust God with my situation.
I can't remember which speaker said these words that immediately impacted my spirit and forever changed my life: We have the privilege of knowing Jesus Christ. We are going to stumble because of Satan. The trials that God allows in our life are not obstacles of Satan. I had perceived my being raped as a hindrance of God not a trial by which to grow spiritually in and for God. In my humanness, I allowed Satan to use a trial of God as an obstacle in my Christian journey. I penned this letter to God during the remainder to the teaching that night in the LA Convention Center. This letter was the start of a long healing process.
Dear God,
I ask that you would help me to be able to talk to Maggie about you. Lord God, I am not going to be able to do this by myself. God, I just ask that you and your angels keep Satan from reminding me of what is in my past, the memories, the hurts, the fears, and the nightmares. Lord God, You and only You know how much pain is in my past and how much more pain is in my future. Heavenly Father, You know what I felt when that girl [guest speaker at the convention] told us about coming from a history of sexual abuse. God, I ask that give me direction for my life. God I love You so much and I thank you for sending Your Son Jesus to die for me. Lord God, touch me with your hand so I can stand up to Satan. Satan you have no place in my life. Only God and God alone can dictate my life. Lord God, thank you for your triumph over Satan. I thank you for your protection. Thank you and I love You. Amen.
Until that moment, it was easier for me to blame God and to cast all responsibility for the negative at Him. I began to realize that the trials I faced because of being raped were obstacles that God was waiting to remove for me. I had to learn that God in His wisdom was always waiting on me to yield to His will and perfect plan for my life. It took courage for me to allow God to take control of the situation. A true healing began that day as I knelt on the floor, sobbing, yet praising God for what He could do with my life because of what had been in my life. I began to realize that in a way I was a car engine. I had problems that God was willing to fix, but I had to yield to His will. I had to be willing to allow some of the old broken pieces to be taken away only to be replaced by new shiny pieces that worked far better. Bike riding began to give me an opportunity to praise God when before I would yell and curse Him. The peaceful and quite country taught me about Gods patience and perfect will. The construction of the house began to show me how God can take something charred and burnt and restore it to better than before.
I also learned that it took courage for me to trust Greg. Obviously, it paid off, as we have been married for 7 years now! Our relationship has not been easy and being married allowed the opportunity for Satan to revisit the past once again. Many times over, I had to remind myself of the promises of God. Isaiah 41:10-13 became a very personal passage to me as I struggled with my past and my present colliding on many, many nights. 10So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 11All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. 12Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. 13For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
The events leading up to being raped and actually being raped dramatically changed my life and the lives of those who loved me. I will never be happy I was raped, but today I am thankful that God allowed me to grow in a unique way that allows me to reach out to other victims with total understanding. I pray that God touch each person that may read this, may you be the victim, a family member, or even a rapist yourself. Gods grace was sufficient for me and it is sufficient for you.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Random thought
Sometimes we ask God to move a mountain and all He sees is a hill.
Sometimes we ask God to move a hill and all He sees is a mountain.
Bottom line, no matter what you think you see let God handle it. We don't see it all for a reason so trust the One who does see it all.
Sometimes we ask God to move a hill and all He sees is a mountain.
Bottom line, no matter what you think you see let God handle it. We don't see it all for a reason so trust the One who does see it all.
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